Embrace the Change

 

Here it is in August, I started in February and left it…why? Because I found a few issues with myself.  The major issue was the internal arguments that keep me from changing for the better.   I had a belief that I did not deserve a good life.  I am working to change that.

I think a lot of us born in the 60’s were raised with the idea that self sacrifice was noble. The whole ‘put others first’ stuff, it is ‘better to give than receive’  sure, but there comes a time when you have nothing left to give and the others you put first have left.

So I am working on changing the programing in me, it started with getting to the root of my soul gobbling fear of death..the root of my depression that has been with me since I was little, I remember being 6 and freezing in a panic attack in the living room of my home and telling my mom I was afraid of dying.  6 years old with anxiety and panic attacks of a monumental level.  My mom laughed at me.

For 50 years I’ve battled this demon and he’s won a good deal of the time. What changed this was found in THE SECRET.  I had studied Western Tradition Ceremonial Magic for 20 years, in school we covered the ‘energy just changes states’  for some reason it sunk in this time.  Death is a door way where you just change states = you do not end.

This brings me to changing the focus on deserving.       Emerald_tablet

This bit of truth has been around for a thousand years or more, and has been studied by most of the great minds of the time.

The Emerald Tablet of Hermes 

A translation by Isaac Newton is found among his alchemical papers that are currently housed in King’s College Library, Cambridge University.[8]

  1. Tis true without error, certain & most true.
  2. That which is below is like that which is above & that which is above is like that which is below to do the miracles of one only thing
  3. And as all things have been & arose from one by the mediation of one: so all things have their birth from this one thing by adaptation.
  4. The Sun is its father, the moon its mother, the wind hath carried it in its belly, the earth is its nurse.
  5. The father of all perfection in the whole world is here.
  6. Its force or power is entire if it be converted into earth.
  7. Separate thou the earth from the fire, the subtle from the gross sweetly with great industry.
  8. It ascends from the earth to the heaven & again it descends to the earth & receives the force of things superior & inferior.
  9. By this means you shall have the glory of the whole world
  10. & thereby all obscurity shall fly from you.
  11. Its force is above all force. For it vanquishes every subtle thing & penetrates every solid thing.
  12. So was the world created.
  13. From this are & do come admirable adaptations whereof the means (or process) is here in this. Hence I am called Hermes Trismegist, having the three parts of the philosophy of the whole world
  14. That which I have said of the operation of the Sun is accomplished & ended.

 

What is the point of this?  The power of change is within you.   If you don’t like something about your life  I give you the permission to change it.  You do not have to be stuck with a life you hate.             To be continued….

 

Embrace the Change

Hope is a powerful drug…

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I am approaching my 57th anniversary of tripping around the sun.  I’ve been in a lot better shape than I currently am.   260 lbs,  diabetic on insulin after H1N1 in 2007, been in denial about the diabetes, for almost 10 years now.  recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia needing blood tests for diagnosis, long time on pain killers due to damage in my back from car accidents and the not so enjoyable falls from horses (For me, riding is the most enjoyable thing to do ever)  Once a year I get the nerves to my L4 L5 and S1 burned off so walking is not impossible.

So my Doctor referred me to a pain specialist.  Another Doctor, I have seen quite a few…however… This man has given me hope that one day I will get rid of the ailments and a whack of my pain.  Hope that I will be able to get my life back.

I can’t tell you how much I loath my pain and it’s control over my life currently.  So..This blog is going to be the place where I detail the journey.   Dr Pain, as I will call him in here, not his real name, has told me it won’t be easy, but it may be possible to cure my current situation.  He looked at me asked me to walk, balance, close eye balance, nodded and said : You need to loose at least 80 lbs.  I looked up, thought, did the math and thought, ya I think he’s bang on that,  I have 19 inch shoulders and 9 inch wrists, not a tiny person.

He is asking me to trust him to help me get my health back,  no padding, no covering the root sources.  I’m scared but it’s better to dig at the root than to ignore it,  10 years of ignoring things hasn’t helped my body.

Trust is hard for me. I’ll try.

 

 

 

Hope is a powerful drug…